Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
