If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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