so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
