we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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