I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
