So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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