It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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