Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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