now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
