I wish my penis had an off switch
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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