my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
