You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
