i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
