All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
