my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize