yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
