My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
