I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want to make out with him forever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
