i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
