can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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