Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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