He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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