forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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