My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
