Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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