My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
