New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
