Sry I called you an 8
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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