he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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