Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My vagina just recognized that song.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
