Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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