Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
