I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
