I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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