I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
