dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
