Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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