I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come see our sink grown plant.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
