I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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