Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize