Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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