So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
