glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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