you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
