She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
