can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i believe in u and ur pee
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
