apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
