A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
