3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
