I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
