You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
