i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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