I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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