and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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