You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
