My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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