Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
