Just fell off a train. Bad.
Porn is love you can see.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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