haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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