I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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