I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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