Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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