the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
