this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
