And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
