her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
