he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
