An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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