who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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