using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
