i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
