I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
