Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize