i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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