if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize