Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
