Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
