Nicole vs. Life
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
