having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
