No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
