so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
smell my finger.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
