Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
