i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
