You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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